never

Never. I have no house, nor will I. Alone I am and will remain. I sit and read. I write poetry and long stories as the candles dance and cold silhouettes writhe across my walls. They are companions that neither argue or love. In the evening, as the sun burns away and lends  itself to the other side, I wander the streets restless. In huge unchewed bites, I devour the sidewalks. A solitary figure, I am hunched over and mumbling. Sometimes I feel as though I understand nothing in my life. Instead, I write lies until I produce a fake one. I invent love. Her. Comforted… I hold it close. She murmurs in my ear, “I will never need another…” I gulp one last breath. Drowning. I have come to realize that there is no lifeguard on duty. If my problem is Russian Roulette, the solution can’t be to play less often… the solution must be to throw the gun away. My heart sticks in my chest. I pull and pull… Ozzie