black

I worked until I was broken & cold. It was late… dawn was closer than dusk. My life slipped backwards… I squinted into the headlights on the freeway. My eyes & brain were burning. Sleep. Oblivion. I wanted to go away. Tom Hanks. Castaway. No people or speech. My current life –seemingly– is in disarray. I wish I was able… and stable. Sometimes, I think I’m really fractured & I’ve lost all the parts. Incapable of repair. I tried sleeping; a restless paper tiger under a wool blanket. My heart kept getting in the way as it bled on my sleeve. I awoke. Silence. The world held its breath. A spider slowly crawled across the ceiling. I think he looked at me with disdain. “What are you doing down there?” No matter how low you go, you can always find someone to look down upon. I read a short passage in a book by- Norman Vincent Peale. He wrote of a quote by Dr. Karl Menninger. “Attitudes are more important than facts.” I suppose we can change only certain things in our day to day lives. We certainly have no control over others! A friend once told me that “I only give up control in order to get a better grip!” Needless to say, I see him often. His therapy appointment is immediately following mine… If I can change anything, it will have to be my attitude. I must never take counsel of my fear. My doctor at the VA hospital recently told me that there wasn’t too much wrong with me… except my thoughts! Funny guy. I gave him the finger. He gave me one right back & told me.. “don’t change a thing.” I guess it’s like the song I heard recently by Anna Ternheim. ‘Today is a good day.’ It’s all in how we define our state of mind. Skate- Ozzie