Under the radar.

My good friend, Scott Ward & I were talking. We laughed because we were driving through Ladera Ranch & all the wealthy, somewhat pretentious people were oozing about ; wrapped in Lexus, Gucci & Blackberry accessories. I guess these things are ‘success’ for some folks. I suppose its all good, if that does it for you. Scott told me that he knew a guy who had to come up with over ten-thousand dollars a month just to cover his mortgage, car payments, insurance, private schooling for the kids, etc. I told him that I have nothing.

I have no bills, no credit cards, not even a bank account…. I have no hangovers, no drug sickness, no girlfriend, no dates, no phone queens, no nothing. I have no job-really…no career, no past and no future. I have no savings, no house, no car payment…..I have a shoelace for a belt & one of Michs’ hair scrunchies to wrap around my cash for a wallet. I have NOTHING. It was funny….we laughed and laughed. I am truly under the radar. I did have so much -in the past-but misery was my constant companion. I had career, money, nice place, new car…but I couldn’t escape their ever present shadow-despair. Then, I found out that the one thing bringing me down…was me.

So, here I am. 46 years old, clean & sober, with nothing. I live a spartan life. All I have are  my books. I kept my library. When I have money, I buy books and if there is money left over, I buy food…or pay rent. You want to know something humorous? I am happier & much more at peace than I ever remember being in my entire life. I sleep like a newborn baby at night. I dream comforting things. Sometimes, I dream that I am broke, with a ‘shitbox’ to drive, no bank account & no money. Then, I wake up to realize its all true! Amazing. I have pool pals, a few people that love me for the fucking trainwreck I am at times, and I have examples like Adam Morgan & Tim Galvin to keep me stoked. I need nothing else. Thanks to MRZ for the images. Skate Long-Ozzie